"Zechariah"

Zechariah is my first born, that God blessed Wade and I with in 2002. It all started in 2001 when Wade and I first got together. I found out that I was pregnant when I was two and a half months along, I was shocked to find out that I was pregnant. When I was about three or four months along I starting having complications with my pregnancy. I went in to see the doctor and that's when I found out that there was some problems with the baby. I then had to have further ultrasounds done to see what was going on with him. I found out about a week later that he was gonna be born with, what is called fetogastroschisis(which is intestines on the outside of stomach.) I fell apart right there. I moved back to be with my mom in case something would happen to Zechariah, i would be with family. I started going to a high risk clinic in St.Louis. There I learned more about his condition the doctors there found out that there was something wrong with his heart but they did not know what it was since they could not see that side of his heart. I had many,many,many visits to the doctor's. I was on bed rest the whole pregnancy. My water broke two and a half months early with Zechariah. I had to be rushed to St. Louis and be put in the hospital, but by the grace of God my water bag closed back up and I was able to go home after about a week, since they had to make sure that it wasn't going to leek any water out. I had him by emergency c-section on the 13Th of July 2002. He was 5lbs. 14Oz's 18in long. When he was born that is when we found what his heart problem was. He was born without his left ventricle valve in his heart. He had to be taken to a children's hospital. He underwent his first surgery for his fetogastrochisis that night. He had a total of 5 surgeries including closing up his stomach. Once he had that done, about a week later he had to undergo his first heart surgery,which was very scary. The doctor told Wade and I that they had to put him on the life support machine. Because his heart rate would not say in one spot and he thought that it would be best to put him on it before he left the O. R. than have to do it in an emergency situation at the his bedside in the middle of the night. After not even a full fourtyeight hrs. after his heart surgery, the heart doctor said that he could start getting winged of the life support machine. Then a couple of days later we found out that his kidneys were not working like they needed to and that he had some bleeding in his brain. Five days after his heart surgery the security guard from his hospital had to come and get us to take us to the hospital. Once we arrived we found the doctors working on Zechariah with his chest wide open. His blood pressure would not come up they had tried every medication they had to get his blood pressure up. That's when the doctor took Wade and I to a private room to tell us that there was nothing else that they could do for him that he would die . That's when I felt like I had lost all feeling to my body I told the doctor that he could not be here telling me that my only child was gonna be taken from me. At that time the doctor allowed Wade and I to go and be with him and to let them know when the could turn the life support off. I could not bring myself to tell them and I know feel guilty cause Wade had to tell them when to shut it off. We then found out that Zechariah was already dead and the only thing keeping him alive was the life support machine. They asked Wade and I to leave his room for they could clean him up and we could and come back and spend as much time with him as we wanted to. I remember calling my older sister Gina telling her that Zechariah had died and asking what was I going to do. We went back into his room after they got him all cleaned up and I remember sitting there and holding this little baby in my arms that God had so blessed me with and thinking"Why give me this little boy and then take him from me so quickly." I felt that I was not a mom, I felt that I was empty inside. We were getting ready to go back to the Ronald McDonald house and I could not let go of my baby boy. Wade had to make me give him back to the nurse at the hospital. When we arrived back at the house everyone was so supportive wanting to know what had happened and I told them there was anything that they could do for me, make phone calls anything they we willing to help. I could not think straight let alone think of anything that anyone could do for us. I remembering feeling like a zombie. My sisters Gina and Dixie came to get Wade and I from the house and take us home. When we got home I had to go and make the arrangements for the funeral. That was really hard for me to do. I was not suppose to be doing this so soon. My son should of buried me first, not me burring my son. Zechariah only lived to be 3 wks. He died August 5Th. and we buried him the 8Th.


To the memory of my loving
angel Mommy will always
love you.

Getting to renew my wedding vow's

My husband and i are getting ready to renew our wedding vow's on June twentyth. I am getting so excited about it cause its like i am getting married for the first time. Which in a way i am, we got married at the court house before so this time we are doing the whole wedding thing. We will be married for five years on the twenty-second of june. It is exciting to get to plan all of these tiny little details that will become big memories for the two of us.

Pictures of my son Evan!!!!!!!!

Evan helping the kids from

the church clean up the wood.
Look how strong my little man is.
Whoa, Evan that's a little tooo big for you.

Evan at his nana's birthday party.